first_seventhe is not a Friends-Only journal; however, it is a Somewhat-Friends-Locked journal. I don't have any kind of "friending policy" - if you're here, you're free to comment on anything. If you can see an entry, it's free game. Here's how it usually breaks down:
- Unlocked - Fandom stuff; open entries about writing, art, photography, etc; general bitching; healthblogging and workout stuff in general; memes and photomemes
- Locked - More personal entries; healthblogging / workout stuff with specifics about me; anything that mentions other people not represented on LJ; entries about work or grad school; anything posted during the day (from work) with naughty language in it
- Filtered and locked - Personal entries with life details. I do have a set of filters based on how well I know someone. Don't be offended if you're not on one. Get to know me better.
I'm a friendly person. I like to communicate with people. On this particular LJ I come across like a hobo on speed, but underneath it all I'd like to think I'm keeping a fair bit of intelligence and life experience. I spend all day being smart and intelligible. I don't need to prove anything on my effing Livejournal.
Yes, I am in fandom. Yes, I write fanfiction. I'm old enough that I don't really feel like I have to hide that fact, or even justify it in any way. I'm not exactly trying to sit at the "cool table" any more (as a professional chemical engineer and a part-time graduate student in polymer science, I think they've already revoked my "cool table" license anyway). If the fandom parts bother you in some way, feel free to ignore, or de-friend, or leave me a comment to take you off of X or Y filter. However, if you're here from fandom, feel free to comment on non-fandom-related stuff if you want! Like I said: if you can see it, it's fair game.
I do love random friendings and random stalkers. If you friend me, I'll probably friend you back. If we end up not interacting much, I always reserve the right to take you off certain lists -- my F-List is mainly for my own reading purposes and shouldn't be used to gauge how much I like someone. I like lots of people! Everywhere! Except when I don't, because people suck.
If you're here because you've Googled my real name and followed the internet trail through my website to this journal, leave me a goddamn comment (on this entry) and let me know. Stalkers freak me out.
- Have crippling stress, anxiety, and/or depression
- Obtain cheap raspberries at the farmer's market because they're "the bitty, crumbly ones no one wants"
- Depression nap for 3 hours
- stress bake
Preheat your oven to 350F
Combine in one bowl and whisk together:
1c whole wheat flour
1/2 c white sugar
1/2 c brown sugar, packed
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
a good shake of cinnamon
Combine in a second bowl and whisk together:
1/2 c coconut-almond milk
1/2 c vanilla greek yogurt (no fat)
1/2 c canola oil
splash of vanilla
And gently fold in
This will make
And said muffins are
For those who care:
This entry was originally posted at http://seventhe.dreamwidth.org/386989.ht
push you until you break;
i expect you to hold my weight,
to carry as much as i do
(if not more)
i am no safety net. i make
no assumptions about you, give
no benefit of the doubt:
there is no room for error.
i will not step in when
you fumble, confused, lacking
not just skills but a basic
understanding. i will push
to find that breaking point;
too many i know
fight for these skills,
hone them sharp as knives,
for me to hand you
anything more than rope
This entry was originally posted at http://seventhe.dreamwidth.org/386710.ht
- I make amazing money for my age and I should take advantage of that
- I am in a good position: owning a house already, partnered but legally single, no dependents
- I need my goddamn health insurance so cannot quit
- I don't completely loathe what I do yet (it's more like a bipolar disorder relationship).
- live well but frugally for the next 15 years
- enjoy the shit out of the next 15 years well but responsibly
- take good care of self and health
- pay off house
- save well
- retire at 50.
- become actual hermit
- spend rest of life writing and giving the world the middle finger
- become millionaire
- replace body with wheels
15 more years at my job gives me the new plant I want - covers everything from engineering to actually flipping the switch to development projects - as well as turnover to build a dynasty (not that I am arrogant BUT I AM but really it's to protect the years invested in the place): I'd literally hit the peak of my career then leave. and, if I work it right, lots of company buffing of my 401k.
50 will be a bit old on my poor broken body, but it's still an age you can do most things: travel, hobbies, open a bar with your friends, etc
The counter-thought is "take your break now" but I'm not in any kind of position health-wise to do so: need insurance, so need (a) job; this job has good/decent insurance; not good at traveling right now; too much house debt to really call off the paychecks. Trust me, it's tempting to toss everything and run to the woods, but it isn't a good place.
But working towards something makes the working seem slightly more palatable
1^0 edit I FORGOT TO MENTION what I want to do with my millions: I want to be a patron of the arts and sciences.
One of the things that sticks out in my memory from my Germany trip - touring an old palace - it's so weird that this was significant - but I was doing the headphones tour of Queen Sophie's palace and there was so much discussion about how royalty and the well-off were patrons -- of arts, sciences, literature, voyages, anything they wanted. It is this weird mindset - and ok I know that historical context etc life was NOT A MAGICAL BETTER BACK IN THAT CENTURY - but in our evolution to what we are now we have really and truly lost that spirit? Rich people don't go and support artists they personally think are cool anymore, or host salons for neat artists to get together, or sponsor someone to write a symphony or a novel, and --- there's something about that concept that really appeals to me.
So after my job and my novels and my millions, I plan to become a patron of the arts and sciences. If you can wait 15 years, you all get first dibs.
2^0 edit im not even drunk guys, seriouslyThis entry was originally posted at http://seventhe.dreamwidth.org/385892.ht
Here's the deal: comment here and I'll write you into the story. If you want to leave a hint or two, go ahead; I'll run with it.
Setting: Vampire colony under the sea. A shipment of vital medical supplies is late, missing, or otherwise gone. Certain people have been tasked to find it.
This entry was originally posted at http://seventhe.dreamwidth.org/385523.ht
Then this morning when I got up the feeling was like when your computer crashed - and you finally get it back, but you have to reconnect everything and redo your settings? That's what it was like. I'm here, but not everything is connected right yet.
The stress of this job is not direct. I'm no longer running around getting lines fixed and vessels into service. It's the more subtle, underlying, poisonous stress, knowing that I'm now responsible for a number of things (and personnel) that were fucked up so long ago there's no 'win' any longer, there's just 'fucking make this stop being a disaster and go away'.
I need, need, need to find better ways to conserve this so very limited energy. Ever since this new job, I come home and crash. That was true before but I used to get a second wind, or even be able to do a few small chores before the crash. Not any more. I crash and that is the end of it.
I don't understand it. I'm in pain at work, always, but I can keep going, do the tasks, get things done; then it's like the second I walk into my house my brain and body go OK, PHEW, WE'RE SAFE NOW and fucking sign off for the rest of the evening.
This entry was originally posted at http://seventhe.dreamwidth.org/385240.ht
It's hard sometimes for me to remember I have a chronic illness. Mainly because I don't want to have a chronic illness.
the soup is really fucking good tho
This entry was originally posted at http://seventhe.dreamwidth.org/384521.ht
"This is my I-don't-care face."
"...that's your normal face."
Today's chore log:
- two rounds of dishes
- cleaned kitchen
- emptied fridge
- washed spots on floor and walls
- spot steam-cleaned carpet
- rearranged living rm on trial basis
- sorted mail & bills
- arranged my prescription refills
- two loads of laundry
- sorted random clothes
- one round of closet purge
- litter boxes
- wrote 1200 words
Helper evidence here.
No, I have no idea where it came from either. May it stick around all week.
This entry was originally posted at http://seventhe.dreamwidth.org/384410.ht
I'm now in week 3 and everything is still blurry. I can manage to drive to places I already know, aka don't have to read street signs (grocery, wine store, work) and I've driven once at night. The computer screen is readable, but has a sort of haze over it that makes it tricky to work with.
I'm incredibly frustrated even though all things point to normal. I am not patience.
and that's where I've been.
This entry was originally posted at http://seventhe.dreamwidth.org/382833.ht