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So you've found my LJ! What up.

first_seventhe is not a Friends-Only journal; however, it is a Somewhat-Friends-Locked journal. I don't have any kind of "friending policy" - if you're here, you're free to comment on anything. If you can see an entry, it's free game. Here's how it usually breaks down:

  • Unlocked - Fandom stuff; open entries about writing, art, photography, etc; general bitching; healthblogging and workout stuff in general; memes and photomemes

  • Locked - More personal entries; healthblogging / workout stuff with specifics about me; anything that mentions other people not represented on LJ; entries about work or grad school; anything posted during the day (from work) with naughty language in it

  • Filtered and locked - Personal entries with life details. I do have a set of filters based on how well I know someone. Don't be offended if you're not on one. Get to know me better.

I'm a friendly person. I like to communicate with people. On this particular LJ I come across like a hobo on speed, but underneath it all I'd like to think I'm keeping a fair bit of intelligence and life experience. I spend all day being smart and intelligible. I don't need to prove anything on my effing Livejournal.

Yes, I am in fandom. Yes, I write fanfiction. I'm old enough that I don't really feel like I have to hide that fact, or even justify it in any way. I'm not exactly trying to sit at the "cool table" any more (as a professional chemical engineer and a part-time graduate student in polymer science, I think they've already revoked my "cool table" license anyway). If the fandom parts bother you in some way, feel free to ignore, or de-friend, or leave me a comment to take you off of X or Y filter. However, if you're here from fandom, feel free to comment on non-fandom-related stuff if you want! Like I said: if you can see it, it's fair game.

I do love random friendings and random stalkers. If you friend me, I'll probably friend you back. If we end up not interacting much, I always reserve the right to take you off certain lists -- my F-List is mainly for my own reading purposes and shouldn't be used to gauge how much I like someone. I like lots of people! Everywhere! Except when I don't, because people suck.

If you're here because you've Googled my real name and followed the internet trail through my website to this journal, leave me a goddamn comment (on this entry) and let me know. Stalkers freak me out.


Steps:

  1. Have crippling stress, anxiety, and/or depression

  2. Obtain cheap raspberries at the farmer's market because they're "the bitty, crumbly ones no one wants"

  3. Depression nap for 3 hours

  4. stress bake

  5. SUCCESS

Preheat your oven to 350F

Combine in one bowl and whisk together:
1c all purpose white flour
1c whole wheat flour
1/2 c white sugar
1/2 c brown sugar, packed
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
a good shake of cinnamon

Combine in a second bowl and whisk together:
1/4 c butter, melted
1/2 c coconut-almond milk
1/2 c vanilla greek yogurt (no fat)
1/2 c canola oil
splash of vanilla
 
Add liquid to dry ingredients and mix just until blended. Then add:
1/2 c quick oats

And gently fold in
~2c / 1 pint of raspberries, tossed in flour

This will make
24 muffins

Baked at
350F, 25-30 min depending on your oven

And said muffins are
delicious as fuck

For those who care:
123 cal per muffin; 14g carbs | 7g fat | 2g protein



This entry was originally posted at http://seventhe.dreamwidth.org/386989.html, which has comment count unavailable comments. Comment there (with OpenID) or here, it's all good.


May. 6th, 2016

weak link? i will
push you until you break;
i expect you to hold my weight,
to carry as much as i do
(if not more)

i am no safety net. i make
no assumptions about you, give
no benefit of the doubt:
there is no room for error.

i will not step in when
you fumble, confused, lacking
not just skills but a basic
understanding. i will push
to find that breaking point;
and judge.

too many i know
fight for these skills,
hone them sharp as knives,
for me to hand you
anything more than rope

This entry was originally posted at http://seventhe.dreamwidth.org/386710.html, which has comment count unavailable comments. Comment there (with OpenID) or here, it's all good.


birthday

I have to say: 34 feels old.

This entry was originally posted at http://seventhe.dreamwidth.org/386352.html, which has comment count unavailable comments. Comment there (with OpenID) or here, it's all good.


rearrangement of entire life plan

Reasoning:

  1. I make amazing money for my age and I should take advantage of that
  2. I am in a good position: owning a house already, partnered but legally single, no dependents
  3. I need my goddamn health insurance so cannot quit
  4. I don't completely loathe what I do yet (it's more like a bipolar disorder relationship).

Plan:

  • live well but frugally for the next 15 years
  • enjoy the shit out of the next 15 years well but responsibly
  • take good care of self and health
  • pay off house
  • save well
  • retire at 50.
  • become actual hermit
  • spend rest of life writing and giving the world the middle finger
  • become millionaire
  • replace body with wheels
  • profit

15 more years at my job gives me the new plant I want - covers everything from engineering to actually flipping the switch to development projects - as well as turnover to build a dynasty (not that I am arrogant BUT I AM but really it's to protect the years invested in the place): I'd literally hit the peak of my career then leave. and, if I work it right, lots of company buffing of my 401k.

50 will be a bit old on my poor broken body, but it's still an age you can do most things: travel, hobbies, open a bar with your friends, etc

The counter-thought is "take your break now" but I'm not in any kind of position health-wise to do so: need insurance, so need (a) job; this job has good/decent insurance; not good at traveling right now; too much house debt to really call off the paychecks. Trust me, it's tempting to toss everything and run to the woods, but it isn't a good place.

But working towards something makes the working seem slightly more palatable

1^0 edit I FORGOT TO MENTION what I want to do with my millions: I want to be a patron of the arts and sciences.

One of the things that sticks out in my memory from my Germany trip - touring an old palace - it's so weird that this was significant - but I was doing the headphones tour of Queen Sophie's palace and there was so much discussion about how royalty and the well-off were patrons -- of arts, sciences, literature, voyages, anything they wanted. It is this weird mindset - and ok I know that historical context etc life was NOT A MAGICAL BETTER BACK IN THAT CENTURY - but in our evolution to what we are now we have really and truly lost that spirit? Rich people don't go and support artists they personally think are cool anymore, or host salons for neat artists to get together, or sponsor someone to write a symphony or a novel, and --- there's something about that concept that really appeals to me.

So after my job and my novels and my millions, I plan to become a patron of the arts and sciences. If you can wait 15 years, you all get first dibs.

2^0 edit im not even drunk guys, seriously

This entry was originally posted at http://seventhe.dreamwidth.org/385892.html, which has comment count unavailable comments. Comment there (with OpenID) or here, it's all good.


STORY GAME BECAUSE WHY NOT.

I am stealing [personal profile] novel_machinist's story game because they are fun!

Here's the deal: comment here and I'll write you into the story. If you want to leave a hint or two, go ahead; I'll run with it.

Setting: Vampire colony under the sea. A shipment of vital medical supplies is late, missing, or otherwise gone. Certain people have been tasked to find it.

This entry was originally posted at http://seventhe.dreamwidth.org/385523.html, which has comment count unavailable comments. Comment there (with OpenID) or here, it's all good.


Mar. 31st, 2016

I had the absolute worst fibromyalgia [flareup? event? disaster? day?] last night. The pain and fog was just - the best way I can describe it is like you're on a phone call, and there's all this static, and it's breaking up sometimes -- except that you are the phone call, the pain is the static roar in your ears, and the horrible dissociative brain-grinding feeling is twitching you in and out of yourself. My knees were throbbing, my back felt skinned, it was just. horrible. When it faded, it faded into a general all-over body ache, and I was exhausted like I'd just run a marathon while on fire.

Then this morning when I got up the feeling was like when your computer crashed - and you finally get it back, but you have to reconnect everything and redo your settings? That's what it was like. I'm here, but not everything is connected right yet.

The stress of this job is not direct. I'm no longer running around getting lines fixed and vessels into service. It's the more subtle, underlying, poisonous stress, knowing that I'm now responsible for a number of things (and personnel) that were fucked up so long ago there's no 'win' any longer, there's just 'fucking make this stop being a disaster and go away'.

I need, need, need to find better ways to conserve this so very limited energy. Ever since this new job, I come home and crash. That was true before but I used to get a second wind, or even be able to do a few small chores before the crash. Not any more. I crash and that is the end of it.

I don't understand it. I'm in pain at work, always, but I can keep going, do the tasks, get things done; then it's like the second I walk into my house my brain and body go OK, PHEW, WE'RE SAFE NOW and fucking sign off for the rest of the evening.


/whiiiinnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeee

This entry was originally posted at http://seventhe.dreamwidth.org/385240.html, which has comment count unavailable comments. Comment there (with OpenID) or here, it's all good.


you know...

Sometimes there are days where I wonder how people like, you know, live? I worked my normal day today, then went to the grocery, then came home and crashed for a bit, then got up and made a soup. And I am so fucking tired and my legs hurt and my back hurts and my brain is ready to shut off and I can't get up from this couch and I am dead and like. There are people who can do this AND go to the gym AND do laundry AND dishes after they cook AND do something brainful like pay bills or some other reasonable thing and ?????? How do people do this? What is the terrible secret? Have you all sold children or kidneys to some arcane god/dess to get these powers and if so, where do I sign up


It's hard sometimes for me to remember I have a chronic illness. Mainly because I don't want to have a chronic illness.


the soup is really fucking good tho

This entry was originally posted at http://seventhe.dreamwidth.org/384521.html, which has comment count unavailable comments. Comment there (with OpenID) or here, it's all good.


Sunday happened

"This is my I-don't-care face."
"...that's your normal face."


Today's chore log:
- two rounds of dishes
- cleaned kitchen
- emptied fridge
- washed spots on floor and walls
- spot steam-cleaned carpet
- rearranged living rm on trial basis
- sorted mail & bills
- arranged my prescription refills
- two loads of laundry
- sorted random clothes
- one round of closet purge
- litter boxes
- wrote 1200 words

Helper evidence here.

No, I have no idea where it came from either. May it stick around all week.

This entry was originally posted at http://seventhe.dreamwidth.org/384410.html, which has comment count unavailable comments. Comment there (with OpenID) or here, it's all good.


update

on Friday 22 January I had laser eye surgery: PRK, which is different than LASIK. Much grosser and longer recovery time.

I'm now in week 3 and everything is still blurry. I can manage to drive to places I already know, aka don't have to read street signs (grocery, wine store, work) and I've driven once at night. The computer screen is readable, but has a sort of haze over it that makes it tricky to work with.

I'm incredibly frustrated even though all things point to normal. I am not patience.

and that's where I've been.

This entry was originally posted at http://seventhe.dreamwidth.org/382833.html, which has comment count unavailable comments. Comment there (with OpenID) or here, it's all good.


Profile

Fandom: Hell Bus
first_seventhe
unfortunate hobo
SevNet

I've Found A Sev! Can I Keep It?

This LJ has been known to contain filthy language, high concentrations of crack, fandom fangirling, many many cock jokes, capslock, cursing in capslock, flailing in capslock, occasional angst about higher education and the workplace (ha ha occasional my ASS) (ha ha foul language), and the occasional deep and meaningful longing for coffee.

Read at your own risk.

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